When we decide to get married we always imagine that we are going to be with this person "of our dreams" for the rest of our lives. But what a lot of people going into marriage don't know, is the secret to creating a loving and lasting relationship. Most people are unaware that the reason you were attracted to your "soul mate" , dream partner, or "the one" in the first place. It is actually an unconscious decision to get unmet needs and desires that were created during childhood.
The hidden agenda of marriage and falling in and out of love, involves a complex process of human growth and development. When we are born, we are free of the conditioned mind, we are one with our heart, soul and spirit. No conditioning has been formed in the mind. We may have cellular memories of past life conditioning which actually matches those of our parents or caretakers. But whether you believe in past lives or not, the baby has a feeling of connectedness. If our parents or caretakers are attuned to our wants and needs, being able to provide the warmth, safety and sustenance that a baby requires, our feelings of aliveness and wellbeing are sustained and we remain whole.
But unfortunately, that's is not how it actually happens. Unless you are born enlightened, our parents are not able to maintain the perfect standards of what is required, and even the best parents are not available every minute, do not understand exactly what is needed and are unable to meet every demand. What actually happens is that our parents or caretakers pass on their own childhood experiences, deficiencies and unmet childhood wounds, thus forming the conditioned mind. Tired, angry, depressed, busy, ill, distracted, afraid, or sad our parents fail to sustain our feelings of security and comfort. With every unmet need causes fear and pain and in order to survive we adopt by creating primitive coping mechanisms. Depending on our temperament and the nature of our caretakers' neglect, our defences can take many forms. We may cry constantly to get attention or withdraw from the touch of attention - our neglectful caretakers, denying that we even have needs. Though we do what we can, already the world feels unsafe, and love is rationed. This is not about blaming our parents or caretakers, they did they best they could with what they knew, it is about becoming aware of what is truly going on.
So how does how this affect my marriage or relationship, you may ask? Well when we choose our "life partner" they represent all of the unfinished business that we did not complete with our parents or caretakers. This is the secret on truly knowing what you are getting yourself in for. What your soul or heart really desires is to resolve and heal the pain, and trauma from our early childhood and this can include grandparents and babysitters. This is why after the "honeymoon period" things begin to fall apart and you want to divorce or end your relationship because the truth of the relationship begins to surface. Choosing our life partner is a choice to become whole hence the famous line in the movie Jerry McGuire "You complete me". Your life partner is able to help you repair the damage done in childhood as a result of needs not being met. Our partner is able to give us what our caretakers failed to provide. Knowing that conflict is natural and part of the healing process is only part of the puzzle but this leads us to knowing the truth about the purpose of marriage, and all relationships within our lives.
Dr. Nikki Staley is a Counsellor and Metaphysician with over 10 years experience counselling couples and individuals. To learn more about Nikki simply click here.
Nikki Staley has an amazing 12 Week Intensive Couples Counselling Program that allows for this healing and change within the marriage or relationship to occur. Bringing to light clarity of what is going on in each individual relationship. This proven 12 week program allows for couples to heal and grow and to be in a loving, happy relationship. To book or learn more information about this program simply call Nikki on 0400 497 024.
Nikki is a Metaphysician, Holistic Counsellor, Reiki Master and Teacher. She loves sharing her knowledge on holistic health and wellbeing.