When we decide to get married we always imagine that we are going to be with this person "of our dreams" for the rest of our lives. But what a lot of people going into marriage don't know, is the secret to creating a loving and lasting relationship. Most people are unaware that the reason you were attracted to your "soul mate" , dream partner, or "the one" is to heal yourself! It is actually an unconscious decision to get unmet childhood needs and desires fulfilled that were created during childhood.
The hidden (or unconscious) agenda of marriage and falling in and out of love, involves a complex process of human growth and development. When we are born, we are free of the conditioned mind, we are one with our heart, soul and spirit. No conditioning has been formed in the mind. We may also have cellular memories of past life conditioning which actually matches those of our parents or caretakers when we are born. But whether you believe in past lives or not, the baby develops the conditioned mind from the parents, caregivers and environment that he or she grows up in. If our parents or caretakers are enlightened, our feelings of aliveness and wellbeing are sustained and we may remain whole.
But unfortunately, that is not how it actually happens. Our goal as humans is to develop a conditioned mind to then master it - and let it go. In other words be aware of what that actually means. Becoming conscious of our true nature which is being without thought. Our parents are not able to maintain the perfect standards of what is required, and even the best parents are not available every minute for our needs and wants. What actually happens is that our parents or caretakers pass on their own childhood experiences, deficiencies and unmet childhood wounds, thus forming the conditioned mind. Tired, angry, depressed, busy, ill, distracted, afraid, or sad our parents fail to sustain our feelings of security and comfort. With every unmet need causes fear and pain and in order to survive we adopt by creating primitive coping mechanisms. Depending on our temperament and the nature of our caretakers' neglect, our defences can take many forms. We may cry constantly to get attention or withdraw from the touch of attention - our neglectful caretakers, denying that we even have needs. Though we do what we can, already the world feels unsafe, and love is rationed. This is not about blaming our parents or caretakers, they did they best they could with what they knew, it is about becoming aware of what is truly going on.
So how does how this affect my marriage or relationship, you may ask? Well when we choose our "life partner" they represent all of the unfinished business (or unmet childhood needs) that we did not get from our parents or caretakers. This is the secret on truly knowing what marriage or a long term committed relationship means. What your soul or heart really desires is to resolve and heal the pain and trauma from our early childhood and this can include grandparents and babysitters. This is why after the "honeymoon period" things begin to fall apart and you want to divorce or end your relationship because the truth of the relationship begins to surface. Choosing our life partner is a choice to become whole and your partner represents the healing that you need to complete within yourself. Your life partner is able to help you repair the damage done in childhood as a result of needs not being met. Our partner is potentially able to give us what our caretakers failed to provide.
Dr. Nikki Staley is a Counsellor and Metaphysician with over 10 years experience counselling couples and individuals. To learn more about Nikki simply click here.
Staley Health has an amazing 12 Week Intensive Couples Counselling Program that allows for this healing and change within the marriage or relationship to occur. Bringing to light clarity of what is going on in each individual and learning new ways of being within the relationship. This proven 12 week program allows for couples to heal and grow and to be in a loving, happy relationship. Until the end of January 2018 Nikki is offering 25% off the program - that's $500 off if you book now. To book or learn more information about this program simply call Nikki on 0400 497 024 or send an email to book your first session.
Nikki is a Metaphysician, Holistic Counsellor, Reiki Master and Teacher. She loves sharing her knowledge on holistic health and wellbeing.